November 2, 2011

Wow, where do I begin. For many of you, you are just finding out, and for very few of you, you already knew. Most of you do not even know me, but for those that do, I suspect some of you knew it would come one day but just were not sure when. But yes, as of today, I am now separated, for whatever it is worth……I am now single and I hereby declare 2011 the year of the breakup.

I am scared, apprehensive, excited, stressed, and likely another dozen emotions that I cannot put into words right now. But I am ready to embark on this journey, and decided to invite you all along to share with me, learn while I do, and maybe give me some advice on everything from cooking to dating again, if we decide that is our direction. I declared 2011 the year of the breakup because when I look at friends around me, many have experienced divorce or separation this year so I know I am not alone in this. In fact, I am joining 6 friends going through the same thing right now. I still remember the first break up I knew personally back in the summer. She was so worried we would judge her. She felt embarrassed, ashamed, and unsure how we would react. Now I am experiencing the same feelings, telling very few people. My spouse did not want people to know initially for professional reasons. Once we got past the period, it just didn’t seem important to share. Sadly, many of my friends, are of course ‘our’ friends, which makes things more awkward so I might be spending a little more time with the separated friends for now.

This is not intended to be my dating resume or profile, so I think I will leave my history and details leading to the separation as a future venture or dating conversation and for now will focus on moving forward.  I should also mention that the separation was amicable, and my ex and I are best friends and that might add some humour to my blogs, and for now, possibly limit my dating opportunities. I will say, that I am definitely not the person I was a decade ago, she will tell you that, and I am hoping through this exercise, to find a hopeless romantic within myself again. Yeah, a decade…..I just lost a bunch of potential dates with that statement. Damn. What makes it even harder, is that I have discovered that I don’t know how to tell a women’s age anymore. There are a few that give their age away more than others, but generally speaking, I cannot tell the difference between a 21 year old, and a 50 year old.  While older women might think that is an advantage for them, younger women are scared right now. As one guy said to me on Twitter, WHO CARES HOW OLD THEY ARE? But I will save that for a blog once I have resolved everything else and I am truly considering dating. Fortunately, I have Flames seasons tickets and there has to be at least one woman between 21 and 50 that wants to come to a game with me?

My ex is likely reading this, so I have to give her some credit. I was sucked into our friendship, convenience, and my perceived happiness of status quo. We were best friends. We agreed on almost everything and had so much in common. Separated though, we still are best friends. One night, a few weeks ago, she shut off the tv, and said we needed to talk. She gave the speech I had been rehearsing for months, maybe years, but could never say. I wish I had found the 2o seconds of courage back then, that she found that night as I had been done for some time. We had gone from looking for a new 2500sq ft estate home, to looking for a second 1400sq ft house for one of us to move to, and the sooner the better. Our poor realtor. We are pretty sure he thought that one of us was losing our job, so we finally had to tell him what was going on since I suspect separating couples don’t usually shop for a new house together. He has been excellent to work with and I would refer him in an instant. But the house has been bought and 2 days before Christmas she has made the move. And now I start cleaning the house and shopping for furniture…………a whole new look at Boxing Day shopping for me this year. Merry Christmas to all of you!

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